Today calls for a funny poem!

Dear Visa,

Please stop calling me.

I do not want a card,

despite the “no interest”*
and the “college savings”*
and the “introductory offer.”*

I do not want you to have
your people call me…

but if they must,
PLEASE let it be
someone who at least
knows the word “English.”

or – at the very least – let it be
someone whose voice I can hear.

I know you feel that the last issue
is a non-issue, because
I can hear them,
however hearing only the words
“…unactivated card…”

To remedy all of the above issues
please do the following:

1. Do not call me.

2. If this is too terribly difficult
for you to comprehend
then please…stick a letter opener
through your tongue.
This shall prevent you from speaking.
Ergo, this shall prevent you from
speaking to me.

3. If this still doesn’t work,
try guzzling gasoline…
All right, this may not seem
like a solution, but really
Because you – oh Mr. Visaman – are
probably one of those people
who smoke (how unhealthy!).
And once you light up…
Ergo, this shall prevent you from
speaking to me.

4. Okay… I know all of the above
seem rather morbid, so I have
ONE MORE option for you

Ergo, this shall prevent you from
speaking to me.

I truly hope that my
suggestions have helped.
For I am simply trying to
improve your quality of
service, as I am
-as you like to say-

Yours truly,


maybe if I don’t give you my name…
you won’t call me?!
Ergo, this shall…oh…you know!

*denotes having first sold your soul to Satan herself.


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