Thursday, December 10, 2009

Too Cold To Live


My father used to call the most unbelievably hot days in Texas times that it was too hot to live. Well, my dearest Rioters, I want you to know that it is exactly the opposite here in the Arctic North. With temperatures resting at a balmy 3 degrees with a windchill of -20, I have already frozen my tail off and am working on my paws and nose as well.

When I left the evil Wal-Mart today, getting my much-needed groceries, I saw a man - I assume it was a man, as he...well, you'll find out after the hyphen - wearing a Mario Bros. costume. More specifically, he was Mario. (See, Mario's a guy... get it?) I felt nothing but pity for this poor soul as not only does he have to hold a sign advertising a new video game store dressed as a game character, but he had to do it in -20 degree weather while standing in several inches of snow. That person is dedicated to making money. Of course, my first poetic inclination is to assign some sort of altruism to his action's. To say that he was probably doing it to make a few extra bucks for his family during these tough economic times. However, in all likelihood, he was doing it, because it's easy work requiring less neurons than snoring.

Then, I went to the gas station across the street and had to again exit the warmth of my little box car to beg the gas pump to pretty please not kill my wallet in the process of gassing up said little box car. I had to play the game of pressing the buttons on the digital screen.

Credit/Debit?       Credit

Are you sure?        Yes

Are you positive, because you might be forgetting that fee your bank charges you?          YES!

Purchase inside?    No!

Carwash?              Dear God just let me have my gas! It's -20 out here!

Carwash? Yes/No?        No! Okay! No!

Lift handle and choose Fuel Grade.         Gas! I want GAS!

Receipt?           I hate you.

Finally, after winning the battle against the evil pump, I had an epiphany. I'd be willing to bet big money that if gas companies would quit making magical, fancy gas pumps with tons of buttons and carwashes and functions too complex for common man to use. And TELEVISIONS (have you seen these pumps with the friggin televisions?!)!!! If they could just get rid of those, install some nice, simple pumps, and reinvest that money back into their fuel production... I'd be willing to bet if they did all that, our gas prices might actually go down!

But, what do I know. I got my but kicked by one of those magical gas pumps.

Love and Lyte,

Fire Lyte

1 comment:

  1. OMG! You poor guy! I thought our eight degree weather was bad...at least we don't have snow (yet, the weatherman says tonight or tomorrow, then freezing rain) Try to keep warm and I'll send sunny thoughts!
    p.s. I'm still thinking about the homework podcast, that was really heavy listening to his drivel and mockery!

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