But, still, I needed something today...a connection...to feel needed or wanted or existent. And, it wasn't there.
I called my parents this morning. Mom didn't answer, and dad was busy at the time. He said he'd call back. He hasn't. They're great parents! And, we call each other often. It's not that they're neglecting me in any way. Today, though...today was different. Today I needed it for some reason.
My partner is quite busy preparing lectures and grading papers, so he's been holed up in his office all day. We ate breakfast together, and he went off to work. Sure it's right down the hall, but it could be in Ohio for all intents and purposes. We're adults. We have jobs (well...will both have jobs). There are adult things to do.
I think it was the eggs and the bunnies and the Happy Easter text messages. Maybe it was writing my Examiner article about joining together with family and friends to find a way to celebrate. Ironically, I wrote that article alone at my dining table while everyone else was a few thousand miles away - literally and figuratively.
Yeah...it might have been the eggs, but it was also the rain. I couldn't take a good walk outside, because it started to sprinkle. Then I went home, and it stopped. I go back outside, and the clouds came back. I felt like Eeyore, whose rain cloud followed him around on occasion.
Oh, and I burned my damn peanut butter cookies.
I like to bake. I love being in the kitchen, but like any fully prepared grocery shopper - list in hand - I always forget one thing. Just one thing always turns out wrong. When it comes to baking, though, one thing can burn your damn peanut butter cookies.
So here I sit, about to balance a checkbook until it cries for mercy with lavender incense lit in hopes of staving off a truly depressing mood. To make matters worse, we have a movie in from Netflix to watch: Marley & Me. Great...that's just what I need. It's a dog movie. A dog movie with a big, lovable yellow dog at its center. I've seen Old Yeller. I can guarantee I know how this ends.
I just needed one friend, one family member, one person to be my person today. Day's not over, though. There's still time.
And, there's always lavender incense!
Love and Lyte,