Or, I could call this:
A Neato Movie About Werewolves and Vampires That Gets Severely Fucked Up By A Ridiculous Love Triangle That No 17-Year-Old In Their Right Mind Would Ever Have
Yeah, that sums up exactly how lackluster I've found the recent string of Twilight films. Movie one was slightly sweet, romantic, and quite dreamy. However, the whole over-protective boyfriend thing was a bit of a turn-off. Though, they didn't seem to play that up much in the inaugural film.
The second went to new depths of disgust when they made the female lead completely codependent on the Vampire Boyfriend. Really? Like, really, she spent 6 months of her life as a raving lunatic, pulling her hair out and screaming at the top of her lungs, because her high school crush left town?
Now, I get that this is partly due to bad source material. I've not read all the books, but I've read enough of the reviews and enough parts of the series to know that Mrs. Meyer can't develop characters like her contemporaries. She tells the most superficial of stories and leaves us with characters that are half-finished shells, shallower than a sidewalk puddle. Whereas, if one were to compare her to another supernatural blockbuster (Harry Potter), she's not even in the same league of storytelling. Her histories and rationalities are not developed. The characters' reactions and decisions have no basis in anything other than, "Hey, I'm a horny teenager with the sense of foreboding and gloom of a depressed 45-year-old alcoholic whose puppy gets run over daily."
However, this third film was given a healthy dose of Hollywood gloss and rewrites, rounding the edges of the choppy story. The movie was decent, and many of the peripheral characters were spotlighted, which made me happy. Truly, though, the movie's lowest points came in the unrealistic love triangle. The way Bella clings to Edward for dear life is utterly and completely pathetic. Edward's overprotective nature is in overdrive as the shirtless (YUM) Jacob insists on making everyone aware just how beautiful and perfect and special Bella is.
No offense to Kristen Stewart, but Bella isn't that pretty. And codependency isn't pretty on anyone. Who in their right mind thinks teenagers act like this?! IN 2010! I get that the author wanted to infuse her beliefs into the books, but this is just blinding yourself to reality. I digress.
Cinematically, the film is gorgeous. The scenery is lush, and the fight scenes are great. I actually told my Partner that the movie would have been almost perfect if not for the three main characters. I actually enjoyed the vampire/wolf interaction. Despite the sparkle, I like the world that Meyer has created. The mythos is interesting, fresh even. But, I'm a fan of fantasy in general...so I'm biased. One thing I was really confused by is WHY IN THE HELL DID THE VAMPIRES TURN INTO ICE PEOPLE?!
Did anybody else notice that? In the first two films, they were flesh and blood - when they'd fed. When you ripped off their arms, you were ripping off fleshy arms with bones and such. In this movie, for some odd reason, the vamps broke apart as though they were made of ice. Even their insides looked like solid ice cubes. Umm... Can somebody enlighten me? Is this how it's written in the books, or is that just something stupid the Hollywood folks decided to do?
All things considered, I'll give the film 3 1/2 pitchforks out of 5. It's definitely better than the 2nd film, which almost turned me off to the franchise. I'm not quite sure it lives up to the dreamy, innocent, blissful quality the first film achieved. However, it was definitely a more mature film. It's worth seeing, but don't beat yourself up if you wait for it to come up in your Netflix queue.
What did YOU think of Eclipse? Comment, tweet, or email IncitingARiotPodcast@gmail.com!
Love and Lyte,
PS. This movie actually made me want to see the new parody film Vampires Suck. Trailer below. Anybody else think it looks funny?