Movie Review: Eclipse

Or, I could call this:

A Neato Movie About Werewolves and Vampires That Gets Severely Fucked Up By A Ridiculous Love Triangle That No 17-Year-Old In Their Right Mind Would Ever Have

Yeah, that sums up exactly how lackluster I've found the recent string of Twilight films. Movie one was slightly sweet, romantic, and quite dreamy. However, the whole over-protective boyfriend thing was a bit of a turn-off. Though, they didn't seem to play that up much in the inaugural film. 

The second went to new depths of disgust when they made the female lead completely codependent on the Vampire Boyfriend. Really? Like, really, she spent 6 months of her life as a raving lunatic, pulling her hair out and screaming at the top of her lungs, because her high school crush left town? 


Now, I get that this is partly due to bad source material. I've not read all the books, but I've read enough of the reviews and enough parts of the series to know that Mrs. Meyer can't develop characters like her contemporaries. She tells the most superficial of stories and leaves us with characters that are half-finished shells, shallower than a sidewalk puddle. Whereas, if one were to compare her to another supernatural blockbuster (Harry Potter), she's not even in the same league of storytelling. Her histories and rationalities are not developed. The characters' reactions and decisions have no basis in anything other than, "Hey, I'm a horny teenager with the sense of foreboding and gloom of a depressed 45-year-old alcoholic whose puppy gets run over daily." 

However, this third film was given a healthy dose of Hollywood gloss and rewrites, rounding the edges of the choppy story. The movie was decent, and many of the peripheral characters were spotlighted, which made me happy. Truly, though, the movie's lowest points came in the unrealistic love triangle. The way Bella clings to Edward for dear life is utterly and completely pathetic. Edward's overprotective nature is in overdrive as the shirtless (YUM) Jacob insists on making everyone aware just how beautiful and perfect and special Bella is. 

No offense to Kristen Stewart, but Bella isn't that pretty. And codependency isn't pretty on anyone. Who in their right mind thinks teenagers act like this?! IN 2010! I get that the author wanted to infuse her beliefs into the books, but this is just blinding yourself to reality. I digress.

Cinematically, the film is gorgeous. The scenery is lush, and the fight scenes are great. I actually told my Partner that the movie would have been almost perfect if not for the three main characters. I actually enjoyed the vampire/wolf interaction. Despite the sparkle, I like the world that Meyer has created. The mythos is interesting, fresh even. But, I'm a fan of fantasy in I'm biased. One thing I was really confused by is WHY IN THE HELL DID THE VAMPIRES TURN INTO ICE PEOPLE?! 

Did anybody else notice that? In the first two films, they were flesh and blood - when they'd fed. When you ripped off their arms, you were ripping off fleshy arms with bones and such. In this movie, for some odd reason, the vamps broke apart as though they were made of ice. Even their insides looked like solid ice cubes. Umm... Can somebody enlighten me? Is this how it's written in the books, or is that just something stupid the Hollywood folks decided to do?

All things considered, I'll give the film 3 1/2 pitchforks out of 5. It's definitely better than the 2nd film, which almost turned me off to the franchise. I'm not quite sure it lives up to the dreamy, innocent, blissful quality the first film achieved. However, it was definitely a more mature film. It's worth seeing, but don't beat yourself up if you wait for it to come up in your Netflix queue.

What did YOU think of Eclipse? Comment, tweet, or email!

Love and Lyte,

Fire Lyte

PS. This movie actually made me want to see the new parody film Vampires Suck. Trailer below. Anybody else think it looks funny?


  1. Thank You, Fire Lyte! I totally agree. Bella's co-dependence and Edward's possessiveness make me sick to my stomach. I haven't seen the new movie yet, and I don't intend to until it makes it to Netflix, when I can see it for free! Now, don't get me wrong - I am not immune to Jacob's hot abs (total eye-candy)! But really, that is the only reason I will sit through 2 hours of any Twilight film!

  2. Each time I hear someone talk about these books it gets creepier and creepier sounding =p

  3. Vampire-lite! Plain and simple!
    MY vampires don't sparkle in sunlight...they are fangy and blood-soaked and they burst into violent flame while screaming horribly!!
    I've seen the first two movies with my wife and daughter and they love them...could it be a girl thing? I'm quite happy to wait for the DVD...
    the only thing I really like about the story is that it takes place in my neck of the woods--truly beautiful country.

  4. I love Twilight but vampires don't sparkle!!!
    I got into the series before it became a huge fuss..
    I havent seen the movie yet since Rick hasn't been able to take me =( oh well.
    Anyway I got my Eclipse poster!!! yay!!! haha i'm pathetic...

  5. this is holarious!!!! I want to see this hahahaha omg I cannot stop laughing

  6. At the insistence of my sister, I read all the books and have seen all the movies. I was reluctant at first, because they are so popular right now and I read some truly horrible reviews of the work. We do like to compare and contrast books and movies about vampires, so I felt that I should indulge my sister and have a go.

    I would disagree that Meyer's "can't develop her characters like her contemporaries". I think that's actually one of the things that Meyer has been able to do quite successfully to the tune of throngs of fans and millions of copies of books and multi-million dollar movie franchises. However, the development she builds over thousands of pages or 14 hours of audiobook each, doesn't necessarily translate well to 2 hours of film. Once you commit to the books, you spend solid time with them. You grow sentimental for them and are curious what happens next. Perhaps this is a chink in Meyer's armor. She too is sentimental of her characters, and while she mutilates them and puts them through emotional wreckage, she very rarely kills them off. (With of course the exception of Bree Tanner, who she revisited in a novella.) If this "innocence" is because she too has grown attached to her characters or if it's because her religion dictates it... that's a question for her.

    And when I read some of the excerpts and heard some of the language of the Twilight books before reading them, I too was skeptical. I thought, "Isn't this a little melodramatic?" But apparently, the character of Bella thinks this too and even states that modern teenagers don't get married unless they're pregnant. In any event, apparently Bella smells real nice to Edward and he can't hear her thoughts, which is appealing and frustrating. For Jacob, he's imprinted on... well... I won't give it away, but it's a little weird and explains why they are so hot for each other, even though Bella is under the pheromonal sway of Edward.

    Oh and I think they are "ice people" because in the next book they talk about how the Romanians didn't move for a long time and started to calcify from non-activity. It has something to do with the venom and the effects on human tissue. I do think the visual effects people took this literally and made the vampires less "juicy" than they are depicted in the other movies and in the books.

  7. Oh, a good analogy would be: Edward feels for Bella as a crackhead feels for crack.

  8. I've been reading old blog posts, because I missed the podcast so much and when I saw this, I cheered. I've insisted pretty much exactly the same thing since I first read the books and been accused of having a prejudice toward Harry Potter, of which I am a huge fan. However, I came at this from many sides. Firstly, as a woman, who was greatly offended and disgusted by the behavior and character devolving I saw in Bella. Secondly, I was horrified by the idea that my daughter would read these books and/or see these movies and think that this is the way to have a relationship. Thank you, Fire Lyte, for putting this out there for others to see.


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