One of my family members just got out of a pretty long-term relationship. He was with his girlfriend about a year or so less than I've been with Partner. Their relationship was pretty...hilly. Well... That's a misnomer. It was acceptable with very deep valleys from time to time. At least, that's how it appeared from an outside perspective.
Tonight I was introduced to a new girl. Or, is it the new girl? Partner and I exchanged looks. We did that thing where you're suddenly directed to the new girl and you're pretty surprised because you had no idea that you were going to be introduced to the new girl and if you knew you'd be meeting the new girl you might have not been in loosely fitting pajama pants and a ratty t-shirt... You know. Kind of like Hey! with a little too much enthusiasm. That obviously fake enthusiasm that tells him Oh, I'm totally great meeting The New Girl! and tells her These people are so weird.
Naturally, I decided to over think this entire situation. The situation that, at the end of the day, involves me approximately zilcho. However, in a very real way that moment brought home the fact that we're all sort of replaceable. If Partner and I were to ever separate, there would be a mourning period...but then we'd move on. We would each have a new person eventually, to which the family and friends would judge and say, "Oh he's way cuter than his old boyfriend." Though, in my fantasies, I think they would say, "My god! He's such a moron. How could he ever move on from Fire Lyte? That guy was a prince, and he had wonderful hair! He should go back to Fire Lyte on hands & knees, begging to get back together."
But I digress...
It's healthy to move on. It's necessary. Lord knows that if I were to become single again, I'd hope to find somebody new. It's just a weird experience being in that tangential arena of being part of the family and getting introduced to the new person when you were there for the several years of the old person. It sort of makes you wonder what the family would say if and when you were replaced. Kind of like wanting to be at your own funeral... See who would cry, who would miss you, and who would be totally faking some relationship with you that you never had. Honestly, though, I think I'd rather see the folks who openly disliked me at my funeral. Not because I enjoy confrontation or haters or anything, but something about being the only person not to coalesce to saying nice things about a person you disliked at their funeral feels very real, very honest.
That doesn't sound right...or make sense...or something. I think what I'm saying is that, when I'm gone I'd like for people to retain how they felt towards me. If they despised me, keep doing that. Just because I'm not in the picture any more doesn't mean you have to feel fondly towards me. If I'm replaced, and I happen to be replaced by someone who's a perfect 10 to my 4, then say that.
What's it like for you, when someone you're close to gets out of a long-term relationship and then starts dating again? How do you smile and nod at all the new girls/guys as they come through? Do you compare them to the former guy/girl? How do you make the awkwardness go away, or does it?
Love and Lyte,