Totally Replaceable

One of my family members just got out of a pretty long-term relationship. He was with his girlfriend about a year or so less than I've been with Partner. Their relationship was pretty...hilly. Well... That's a misnomer. It was acceptable with very deep valleys from time to time. At least, that's how it appeared from an outside perspective.

Tonight I was introduced to a new girl. Or, is it the new girl? Partner and I exchanged looks. We did that thing where you're suddenly directed to the new girl and you're pretty surprised because you had no idea that you were going to be introduced to the new girl and if you knew you'd be meeting the new girl you might have not been in loosely fitting pajama pants and a ratty t-shirt... You know. Kind of like Hey! with a little too much enthusiasm. That obviously fake enthusiasm that tells him Oh, I'm totally great meeting The New Girl! and tells her These people are so weird. 

Naturally, I decided to over think this entire situation. The situation that, at the end of the day, involves me approximately zilcho. However, in a very real way that moment brought home the fact that we're all sort of replaceable. If Partner and I were to ever separate, there would be a mourning period...but then we'd move on. We would each have a new person eventually, to which the family and friends would judge and say, "Oh he's way cuter than his old boyfriend." Though, in my fantasies, I think they would say, "My god! He's such a moron. How could he ever move on from Fire Lyte? That guy was a prince, and he had wonderful hair! He should go back to Fire Lyte on hands & knees, begging to get back together."

But I digress...

It's healthy to move on. It's necessary. Lord knows that if I were to become single again, I'd hope to find somebody new. It's just a weird experience being in that tangential arena of being part of the family and getting introduced to the new person when you were there for the several years of the old person. It sort of makes you wonder what the family would say if and when you were replaced. Kind of like wanting to be at your own funeral... See who would cry, who would miss you, and who would be totally faking some relationship with you that you never had. Honestly, though, I think I'd rather see the folks who openly disliked me at my funeral. Not because I enjoy confrontation or haters or anything, but something about being the only person not to coalesce to saying nice things about a person you disliked at their funeral feels very real, very honest.

That doesn't sound right...or make sense...or something. I think what I'm saying is that, when I'm gone I'd like for people to retain how they felt towards me. If they despised me, keep doing that. Just because I'm not in the picture any more doesn't mean you have to feel fondly towards me. If I'm replaced, and I happen to be replaced by someone who's a perfect 10 to my 4, then say that.

What's it like for you, when someone you're close to gets out of a long-term relationship and then starts dating again? How do you smile and nod at all the new girls/guys as they come through? Do you compare them to the former guy/girl? How do you make the awkwardness go away, or does it?

Love and Lyte,

Fire Lyte


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  2. Sorry I was ranting on my first post, so here it goes again

    When my brother hit splitsville with my best friend, I saw our little family disintegrating, and the two people that I cared about most drifting apart on bad terms. Years later, we are still at the point where Bro doesn't even want his ex's name mentioned, while he always asks how Bro is doing... so it's a juggling act.
    My best friend's current boyfriend is really cool, a sweet guy that I get on well with, so I try to see him as an independent person which I like and can make good friends with... who also happens to date my best friend. Not ideal, and I am still in the middle of latent drama, but it seems to work so far.

    For the second one, if it was me who got out of the picture... I guess I wouldn't want to be remembered. At all. As if I never existed. But call me Captain Double-Standard, because while I would like to be fully replaceable to those I care about, I would hate to see them easily replaced/ forgotten/ compared with the new models... Twisted, I know.

    PS: My friends and me chose each other as family, I am not blood related to any of the people involved - which, we think, makes us a closer-knit family.

  3. Well so many of my relationships end with me getting a restraining order so that is an easy one for my family and friends. Plus it means that I WISH they would completely forget I exist after it's over. Hahaha The friends that I have now are all married or about to be, and haven't changed partners since I've met any of them. The few that are single are such whores there is usually a new guy every few nights (sometimes twice on the same day)! I have seen my sister meet a guy on the internet and be at his house an hour or so later. Then come back, complain he was too small,too fast, or too whatever and then meet ANOTHER guy on the net and be at his house all before I went to bed that night.

    SO I suppose sometimes you just get so used to meeting the new guy that you are more shocked when you hear "You remember...." because they made it past the first time! Lol.

  4. "Though, in my fantasies, I think they would say, 'My god! He's such a moron. How could he ever move on from Fire Lyte? That guy was a prince, and he had wonderful hair! He should go back to Fire Lyte on hands & knees, begging to get back together.'" Actual LOL.

    I'm married, so obviously I dislike the idea of thinking that The Girl will up and leave me, not least because it seems highly unlikely right now, because she never goes out enough to meet anyone else (and also I am the most beautiful woman ever so she couldn't do any better), and I'm way too tired to bother changing the status quo. Um, I mean because we love each other too much, of course! Seriously, given the stuff we've made it through, I think we're in it for the long haul, barring something utterly unforseen. Were something unforseen to happen, I guess either of us could be replaced, but I really can't imagine being happier with anyone else. So there you go - I can't replace her or I'll be sad. This extremely dull story brought to you by Marriage Rocks, Inc.

    When my friends get new boy/girlfriends who I think aren't as good as the last ones, it's a little awkward, but I let them get on with it. Although there was the time a good friend broke up with the boyfriend who I liked even more than her, then replaced him with someone I despised. They're still going out. It's funny how I'm always free to meet her when he's not around and extremely busy when he is.


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