Tuesday, August 14, 2012

Wicca is Eeeeevil! (YouTube said so!)

This morning I logged on to Facebook to see a video posted by Rioter Renee - who is filled with awesomeness and WIN and you should totally add her to your friends list - regarding the eeeeeevils of Wicca. It's posted under the account JesusChristDailys (whose other videos seem to center around how incorrect the theory of evolution is and how the fossil record proves creationism) and is titled 'What is Wicca? ..for the uninformed Wiccan.' The creator of the video describes it as follows:

This video is made by a Christian for a Wiccan. Wiccans are usually ignorant when it comes to their own brainwashed religion. Once you learn the facts you will see you are in a dangerous cult that will get your soul condemned. Hopefully this approach I've made (by not cursing and being crude) will open the minds of a few Wiccans.

The video says that Wicca is evil for a number of reasons and then goes on to define what those reasons are. Unfortunately, in the doing of said defining of reasons, the guy got some things wrong. Namely...all of them. So, because it's my day off, and because I haven't really thrashed someone on the internet in a while, I decided today's pitchfork will be aimed squarely at JesusChristDailys' Wicca is eeeeeeeeeevil video.

But first, let's watch, shall we?



First off, I really like that he (I really wish English had a gender neutral pronoun that was grammatically correct for ambiguous situations like this) uses the song 'Superstition' for his backing track into crazy town. The video is basically a list of the different ways Wicca is evil and a big lie by Satan to make you go to hell and suck his fiery toes for all eternity. Once he gives you The List of Wicca's Evils, he says he'd like to explain to you, using facts, how each point is true. Let's all learn together, shall we?

Here is the LIST OF WICCA'S EVILS along with his facts for how each one is true:

  • A Cult
    • He says that 'Cult Defined' is 'A...group that teaches something that will cause a person to remain unsaved if he/she believes it. As distinct from religion, a cult is a group that claims to be part of a religion, yet denies essential truths of that religion.'
    • Alert Merriam-Webster, y'all! (That last bit was my own addition.)
  • A Man Made Lie
    • Wicca is actually a creation of Gerald Gardner who put it together in the 1950s using blatant rip-offs of Aleister Crowley, Freemasonry, Egyptian ideologies, and Celtic lore.
    • It is not, contrary to popular belief, older than Christianity. Because everyone thought it was, like, way way way older. Like, a lot.
  • Soul Condemning
    • The facts, according to this YouTuber, are that Jesus - Yahweh incarnate - died for our sins. It's the truth and Wiccans don't like to heard this truth.
    • All of these are facts © 2 months ago when he uploaded this video.
  • Blasphemous
    • side note: that Baphomet on the pentacle is super adorable! Didn't you want to run to Google and find where he got the graphic?
    • He uses definitions again: 'Blasphemous describes something profane, irreverent, or disrespectful towards God.' Practicing Wicca or worshipping false idols is blasphemy. Them's the facts.
    • Seriously, somebody needs to scoop this guy up. Oxford English Dictionary... M-W... Britannica?! Come on dictionarians, this guy is gold!
  • Satanic
    • Here he backs up a bit and says that Wiccans don't exactly believe in Satan or worship him. Then he posits that he's pretty sure if Wicca stops you from worshipping JESUS then it's definitely evil and therefore Satanic. And that's just facts.
    • Also, Anton LaVey is there. 
  • Superstition
    • BLACK CATS!!!!!!!!! EEEEEEEEVIL!!!!!
    • And the definitions are back! 'A belief, practice, or rite irrationally maintained by ignorance of the laws of nature or by faith in magic or chance. A fearful or abject state of mind resulting from such ignorance or irrationality. Idolatry.
    • Because, stupid Wiccans, it's just a fact that there are winged people living in the clouds with God, Mary, some saints, millions of dead people, Jesus, the holy spirit, umpteen different levels of angels in a hierarchy and some big pearly gates. Honoring the fact that spring turns to summer? Ignorance.
    • Also, don't believe in things you don't understand. (Note to self: find ice blue contact lenses.)
  • Extraneous Unlisted Items
    • Modern neo-paganism is somewhat based on folk lore from various parts of the world. Because it's folk lore, it's a lie.
    • Paganism and Wicca have ZERO historical proof or evidence to back them up.
    • The fossil record and historical evidence prove creationism.
    • Crowns of thorns are awfully uncomfortable.
Mmk.... 


Well, Mr. YouTuber Dude, I shall pick up that gauntlet and in the manner in which you threw it down.
  • Cult, defined.
    • I'm not certain which dictionary you're using, but that is not the definition of the word 'cult'. But saying you are defining a word, I am assuming that you're using some type of source that exists outside of your own anus, though I fear that is exactly where you derived your infotainment. So, we'll use my favorite dictionary: Merriam-Webster. They define 'cult' as follows:
      • 1 : formal religious veneration : worship 2 : a system of religious beliefs and ritual; also : its body of adherents 3 : a religion regarded as unorthodox or spurious; also : its body of adherents 4 : a system for the cure of disease based on dogma set forth by its promulgator 5 a : great devotion to a person, idea, object, movement, or work (as a film or book); especially : such devotion regarded as a literary or intellectual fad b : the object of such devotion c : a usually small group of people characterized by such devotion
    • If I may be so bold, definitively speaking any religion - at all - is a cult. However, you might be focusing on the more colloquial definition of a cult, which is closest to the third most common usage. Unfortunately, this type of definition is subjective. You can call Wicca a cult, because, to you it is unorthodox, spurious, or downright something you consider to be wrong and evil. Likewise, I can say that people of your faith are in a cult, because they think eating chicken sandwiches is going to stop homosexuals from marrying. See how words work?
  • A Man Made Lie
    • Actually, you've pretty much got Gardner pegged on the surface. Yes, Wicca is a religion whose roots go into dozens of different kinds of faiths, spiritual traditions, cults of belief, folk lore, etc. Christianity is actually, arguably, one of the trees that was cherry-picked in order to create it. You missed a few fairly important influences, namely the Golden Dawn and the writings of Margaret Murray, but you're pretty spot on. 
    • The fallacy here is that you're forgetting all religions are man-made. For more on Christianity's own man-made roots, feel free to download my podcast on the history of the faith found here.
    • Everything about almost every faith is cherry-picked from faiths that surrounded it at the time of its conception. Christianity was heavily influenced by ancient Judaism as well as the myths of Rome, Greece, Egypt, and Sumeria. The faith's central figure, Jesus Christ, has origins that were probably and likely ripped off of other older deities - Mithras, DionysusBalderHorus, and Zoroaster come to mind immediately. (Most were worshipped for either hundreds or thousands of years before Christ was ever a twinkle in Yahweh's eye, depending.)
  • Soul Condemning / Blasphemous
    • I'd like to take these two together, as they are really the same point as the first. These are subjective and apply only through the lens of a Christian who retains these views. If I do not ascribe to the notion of a Christian Hell, then it does not apply. Facts are not facts if they must be viewed through the scope of a very special set of subjective circumstances. They are beliefs. They are the way you think things probably are or should be, but not necessarily how they are. 
    • While you might be correct in your definition of the word blasphemy, it is blasphemy to be irreverent to the gods of other faiths as well. That's how words work, unfortunately. They mean the same thing for everyone, and thus apply to everyone. 
  • Satanic

    • Well, you actually did this one for me. You couldn't come up with any way that Wicca is Satan worship. Good thing you didn't try, because it isn't. Most Wiccans don't believe in the Christian idea of the Devil, and if they do it's part of a larger pantheon of darker chaos deities from religions since time immemorial. (Or, they just like the myth of Lucifer.) 
    • Throwing up pictures of pentacles and Anton LaVey doesn't make Wicca into Satanism any more than me putting up a picture of cyborg gay Jesus makes him an effeminate Terminator. But, let's try anyway...
    • Awesome.
  • Superstition.
    • My god in the box is better than your god in a box. That's all you're saying. Your lore and myths and beliefs aren't any more valid just because you made a YouTube video. If YouTube were the standard for what ruled humanity, I would think some combination of Lady Gaga, Justin Bieber, Rebecca Black, and cats doing crazy shit ruled the planet. Do you even have a clue what kind of stuff is written in the Bible? I mean, don't get me wrong, I love the book. I think it's got some pretty neat stuff in it, and many of the passages are comforting. But...seriously...have you read it?
    • Genesis 44:5 talks about Joseph using a silver cup for divination. Numbers 5:12-13 tells of a ritual a husband can perform to magically find out whether his wife has cheated on him using holy water and dirt from a tabernacle. The books of Numbers and Samuel describe the Urim and Thummim, magical dice used by priests for divination. 2 Kings 2:23-24 depicts the delightful story of Elisha who used magic to summon two bears to slaughter some small boys who made fun of him for being bald. And, folks, that's not even the half of what's in the Bible. That's not even half of what's in the Old Testament! (Not forgetting all the magic that Jesus did, and how he cursed a damn fig tree for not bearing fruit.) The Bible is filled with more witches, demons, angels, gods, gods using magic, gods fucking with humanity and torturing humans just for the hell of it (the entire book of Job), gods literally fucking humans (I'm looking at you Mary and Yahweh!), magic, and instructions on how to divine the future, suss out a wrongdoer, and perform some pretty awesome magic than almost any book on the planet. 
    • And...those are just supposed to be accepted as facts because the guy on YouTube said so?
    • Wicca, at its core, is a nature-based path. It's holy days mark the physical changing of the seasons. They believe in magic and gods, sure, but it's all part of the cycle of planetary change. Its adherents acknowledge the sciences of astronomy, biology, chemistry, geology, physics, medicine, and psychology as fact. They live in a world where evolution isn't constantly being torn down and they aren't worried whether the President is the Devil's lap dog. And...Wiccans are the superstitious crazy people?
    • Really?
Eventually, I'd like to live on a planet where my brand of crazy and your brand of crazy can live in harmony. Simply because we don't walk the same spiritual path doesn't mean that either one of us is right in our beliefs, nor does disagreement inherently equate to wrongness. Yet.... What burns me up about videos like this is when they say LOOK AT HOW MY FACTS WILL RIP APART ARGUMENTS TO THE CONTRARY and then not provide facts. And then spit in the face of what a fact is. 

The fact is, if you're believing in something...you need to accept that it's a belief. It's faith. My favorite definition of faith was said by my childhood pastor:

Faith is believing something to be real and not needing evidence to believe.

Or... Something like that. Faith is a conviction, a belief. For those of us that choose to believe in something beyond what we can see and prove, it's lifelong quest to understand and rectify the infinite. We can argue about whether man made god or god made man in a philosophical sense until the cows come home and get so bored with use they throw themselves at the mercy of Ronald McDonald just to make it stop. But, I think if we're going on facts here... We should all be able to agree that man made the box called religion in which we stuff the divine. Our rules about who and what god likes or dislikes are just that... Ours. The infinite divine isn't worried about who can marry or who is President or who wins a damn football game. That's the privilege of being infinite. 

And who's to say we're not all barking up the wrong tree? Maybe there isn't a god. Maybe there is no divine. Maybe my altar is just a table with some fancy silverware. That's fine. It helps me get through tough times. It's a place to shut my door, rest my knees, and tearfully pour my heart out and think of how to get through life's challenges. I don't use it as a rod of punishment or condemnation against others, because it's supposed to be about love of self and others. It's supposed to be a way to get through life. 

So, dear Mr. YouTuber JesusChristDailys person... When your facts can back you up, then you can start making videos again. Until then, why don't you go back and read that Bible and use the nearest silver cup to divine yourself some sense. I hear the Old Testament can help with that. 

Love and Lyte,

Fire Lyte

15 comments:

  1. But it was an excellent soundtrack .... I turned immediately to my music library to play a mix based on Superstition and enjoyed it for much of the morning. Thanks Mr. YouTuber Dude!

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  2. First, I loved your post. I found it very witty and laughed out loud. Of course, I am one of those darned deluded pagans, so my sense of humor is probably is off a bit (smiling). I just want to play nice in the same sandbox with the rest of humanity. As a human who happens to be pagan, I am concerned with the planet we live on and the people I share it with. I measure people by the way they live, how they show kindness rather than who or what they do or do not worship and who they do or do not sleep with. Blessed be y'all. Peace out!

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  3. Dude, way to rock the fabulous flamethrower of truth! :)

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  4. That...was...epic. I had a bit of a rant about all of the reformed witches and ATRs practitioners who turned to Christianity putting up there YouTube videos on my blog as well. Its something that makes your blood boil like CRAZY. Your version of course was considerably more amazing and I laughed HARD when I read it. Amazing work friend, keep the torches burning.

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  5. I love you!! And your fairytales!! I want more! When exactly do we get to read a gay Jesus story?? That would be AWESOME!! Hahaha

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    1. I second this request! Can we keep the light saber?

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  6. I just want to know: did you actually send this and did he reply? If not, still fun to read. If yes, that's just double awesome!

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  7. Great post. You know I liked that version of the song, "Superstitious". That's probably the only good part of the video. Oh and I fully enjoyed the Jedi Terminator Jesus for gay rights. Best deity ever!

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  8. I think my favorite part of the video is where he tells people to "get off the path to hell and think for yourself," all the while spewing the same ol' ridiculous dogma every fundie regurgitates. HELLO, DISCONNECT? I mean, c'mon, I know 5-year-olds that can see through this kind of "logic."

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  9. Just popping down here to respond to the gender neutral pronouns question, there are some frequently used options described here :) http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Spivak_pronoun

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  10. This is the best! I get so irate about these rants that I lose my sense of humour, and I greatly admire that you kept yours... and greatly enjoyed the results! LMAO at several points. : D

    Thanks!! I needed that. ; )

    "Facts are not facts if they must be viewed through the scope of a very special set of subjective circumstances. They are beliefs."

    Too true! Sadly, this is a problem I've seen among some Wiccans too... recently had one raving on my FB page about what IS and ISN'T Wicca -- and that's "just the facts!" Doesn't matter if all other Wiccans dispute it; they're deluded and "Cyber armchair idiots."

    Sigh. At least fanatics are the minority in Wicca. ; )

    Keep up the good work; I'll be checking out this blog a lot more. Hoping your sense-o-humour is contagious!

    With Blessings,

    erin

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  11. Love it, Firelyte! Well-stated and well-argued. You manage to speak boldly and humorously without being dismissive. Lets hope Mr. YouTube Dude takes note and learns from your style as well.

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  12. I really like how you put him in his place without being dismissive. How you made a gay Jesus that is just art, and how you explained how most of us feel about those really far right winged people that say that everyone is wrong and they are right. Will have to remember this for future blogs when I get a bee in my hair and ear for feeling as if I am being put down for what I believe.
    Thanks
    Elizabeth
    http://thegreenwiccan.wordpress.com

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  13. For some of you just viewing this blog post (like mwah *ashamed sigh*) the old link above does not work because someone deleted his youtube account. lol!

    Here is the new link ;)

    http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=VNSPLLSRIA4

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