At the corner of Progress and Small Town

Given recent life events, it looks like Abel and I might be jumping the small town ship. For years now, we've been biding our time while I got my degree, but it's finally happening. I'm graduating in May, and we are just exhausted with small town politics and redneck ideologies.

There is only so far that a gay couple can move up in the world of East Texas. It would be nice to know that my career has no glass ceiling, and that I can be in an area where opportunity abounds.

Below is a poem I wrote about East Texas that I thought was appropriate.

Love and Lyte,

Fire Lyte

East Texas

You are bare-boned knuckles and broken backs
and working until you forget what daylight smells like.
You are one leaking roof after another and the lines
of a painting that turned out more like circles
and someone comes along and tells you they’re
supposed to be triangles.
You are the 37-year-old kindergarten student who
somehow makes a living – with the social capacity
of a flea and the audacity to look down in condemnation
as I break myself to become something more.
You are stoic and regurgitating senseless dogma
about pride in your smallness.
You are the great wall of filth I must break myself
into the littlest of pieces to fit through and find
the Underground Gravy Train to a day where
rest and weary might permanently find each other.

Fun with Fundies!

I take a Comparative Religious Philosophy course, and it has become infected with a being known as Fundie. Fundie is a rather pudgy, socially awkward creature that uses various misunderstood Bible verses to brow-beat and otherwise belittle the class' inhabitants and its professor. Fundie stops at nothing, and refuses to back down. Fundie, apparently, doesn't realize that he is taking a Comparative Religious Philosophy course in which one Compares Religions!

So, this guy for weeks now has been berating the professor concerning his c

hoice in textbook, subject matter, and differing ideology. The students that speak up in class get talked down to, because we dare to discuss something that isn't explicitly stated in the Bible - a book, I'm sure, he's yet to actually read all the way through. While discussing Siddhartha Fundie downplayed the historical and religious significance of the text, all the while making those of us that enjoyed its teachings feel as though we were sinners worthy of a bus ticket to hell. During discussions on Hinduism, Fundie reared his ugly head again, claiming that none of what we were discussing had any merit whatsoever because the Bible doesn't talk about it.

Well, the Bible, too, is a flawed text that doesn't have the answer for 100% of life's questions, sir. While there is much beauty, poetry, and wisdom to be found, there are texts and spiritual teachings that have been around for hundreds, sometimes thousand

s, of years longer than Christianity's flagship textbook.

Being raised Christian, I can understand the intricacies and joy that can be found in this religion, and in its Holy Book. However, I also love learning about new religions. Now, I'm not saying that I'm all bonkers over the beliefs of that religion now, I can still appreciate them from a distance. This guy, however, cannot see past his own nose when it comes to a differing idea of God(dess), faith, life, or anything else remotely spiritual. If he wasn't taught it in Southern Baptist Sunday School, then it doesn't exist, and you'll burn for learning about it.

I'm just glad my Lord and Lady aren't this judgmental. I've heard the phrase "fear of God" several times. I don't understand why someone would fear God. I love God...and Goddess. I am wrapped up in their affection and warmth. I just don

't see why someone would come from a place of fear concerning religion of any kind. Any faith that requires fear is not for me, and should be re-evaluated.

Can you say Burning Times? The Crusades? Anyone...?

Love and Lyte,

Fire Lyte

Senseless

Senseless

There is still the taste of Lie on your lips.
I can smell it through the phone.
I can hear it as though you were holding me with it.
But, I can’t see it.

It’s intermingled, as Pandora’s evils are with
normal truths, with all of reality.
Or, at least, the reality I’d built up.

Everyone told me never to trust you,
and I told them they were wrong.
Yes, you are Rain, for you slip through my fingers,
and run away from my arms.

Respect is Cloned

When I began this job, I thought that I would have no problem earning the respect of the juvenile residents. I was wrong. Apparently, they do not believe respect is earned or called for simply because you are the one in charge. I'd always thought that my job would be pseudo-parenting. The Juvenile Justice System is supposedly all about rehabilitation, much more than the adult. I didn't think we'd be a warehouse for the county's wayward gang members, drug dealers, and thieves too slow to run from police. Yet, that's what we've become.

One time in court I heard a kid tell the judge that should he die during a gang fight, or during some other violent activity, he would at least die with his pride and respect.

"So," I thought. "That's how they view pride and respect." However, at the time, I still didn't know what truth, exactly, I'd stumbled upon. The best I can put it into words is this: juvenile delinquents, typically, only care what you have to say if you look like them, sound like them, come from the same socioeconomic status (or appear to), have roughly the same education, and could, potentially, beat the living shit right out of them. Unfortunately, this realization has jaded me to a great extent concerning my lifelong pursuit to save every kid from themselves and their surroundings. Though, I've most definitely not given up.

Respect does not get shown to their parents, but they cry when they hear their mother's voice. They cannot tell you the birthdays of their siblings or, sometimes, themselves, but they claim to fight tooth and nail to get home to their brothers and sisters. And, even though they don't realize how destructive to their as yet unlived lives this is, they beg for a reprieve in order to get home to their children. Yes, children. Not one group of kids coming through these doors has yet to be absent a young father or mother.

And I wonder why they don't listen to me when I ask for their respect. I am not one of them. For this, I consider myself lucky. However, I'm quickly realizing that saving today's youth might be an exercise in futility, as those of us educated in their salvation are getting further and further away from who these kids are, fundamentally.

Though, I still do not give up hope. My original path, maybe, but I will find a way to be useful to this world through helping tomorrow's generation.

Love and Lyte,

Fire Lyte

Polite Death

Polite Death

Sir, you’re being paged

by Existence.

Yes, it seems that you’ve left your headphones in
so long that you missed morning coffee,
the question from the professor,
and the piece of chalk aimed, squarely, at your forehead.

We, the rest of the citizens of Existence, would
appreciate your headphones coming out of their lobes—
realizing the pain caused after they’ve been ripped from their
permanently formed resting places—
and being eaten by a pack of wild Pomeranians.

We do not wish to listen to your trip-hop Ultimate mix of Death City.
Is that even a band?
This is Philosophy,
and if you don’t answer Existence’s page,
you’ll be removed from it.


By, about, 37 people.

Hope for the Hopeless

Believe it or not, I have a heart. A heart that's been broken more times than most hearts are supposed to be broken. 

My heart was broken when I walked in on my dad bringing in the Christmas presents at my Memaw's house, learning first hand that Santa is only real in Coca Cola commercials. It was broken whenever I fell in love with theater only to have my director become an evil, psychotic Ursula like witch who ruined my love for the art. Again, after my first time, and I realized that you can't buy the first pair of shoes that you try on. (Or the second...or 17th...) And again and again and again.

The thing that I've learned, and if I can impart any wisdom upon you, is that if love is going to happen, then it's going to happen. If it's meant to work out, it will. It will not be easy, but it won't be a fight to hold on to the relationship. You cannot make somebody love you, and even if you knew the secret art of love spells so powerful as to turn somebody's affections to you, I think mythology has taught us that never works out. The question here is, would you really want to spend the rest of your life with someone knowing they're only with you against their will? You cannot possibly want that.

If that other person simply does not want to spend their life with you, it is healthier to move on, and to allow them to do the same. If it is going to work out, it will.

BTW, you must see He's just not that into you. It's great. Honest and beautifully written. Also, included at the bottom of this posting is my favorite break-up song. It's written and performed by Maria Mena. It always reminds me that, no matter how much I loved - or thought I loved - that other person, I cannot change what happened.

Side note: When you finally find that love, the one you'll be with forever, you'll feel absolutely amazing! Trust me. It's totally worth waiting for. 

Love and Lyte,

Fire Lyte

Maid for each other: my search for sanity.

I've hired a maid. More specifically, I've hired a background-checked, eco-friendly, completely organic maid service. I am 22, and I have a maid service. I think this makes me a yuppy. 

In my defense, this should help immensely with my time management. If I don't have to worry about coming home and cleaning, doing the laundry, doing my homework, and making dinners for the next day, perhaps I can do a few of those things a bit better. (namely, the homework, as this is my last semester.)

Don't think ill of me.

But, if you do, I have this to say...

MY HOME IS CLEANER THAN YOURS!!! NANEE NANEE BOO BOO!!!

Fun with Slackers!

So, I'm stuck working in master control for the first half of my workday today. Master control is pretty much what you'd think it is, and less... I sit behind 3 enormous switchboards - that don't work for shit - and open doors. You got it. I am a glorified doorman. Not even a glorified doorman. Doormen (is that politically incorrect? I'm sorry... Doorpeople) get a shiny maroon uniform, and get to be a funny foil for a story's protagonist. I'm just a button pusher.

Anywho, a probation officer calls up and asks for some information on the kid, as he's in the field and didn't come prepared. I looked up the kid and found that no information had been put in the computer - with the exception of his name and the crime committed. The conversation went a little something like this:

He asked, "Do you have the school he goes to?"
"No..."
"Well, Why not?"
"I suppose that your Case Aide [an assistant] didn't put the information into the computer."
"Ok, well can you just give me his phone number so I can call him?"
"Actually, that's not in here, either. Whoever has current possession of the folder didn't put anything in the computer."
"Well, I don't know anything about this kid! Who has possession of the folder?"
I look that up.
"Umm... You do. It says it's specifically in your office."
"Well who the hell put that in there?"
I said, "According to this...you did."

"Aww crap! Don't tell anybody I did that."

Sure!!!! :)

Sometimes, other people make poking fun at them FAR too easy!

Love and Lyte,

Fire Lyte

Fidelity Video

This breaks my heart.  If you read this, watch this, or can just feel in general, please sign the petition and tell the powers that be that Love is a universal force.  One that exists beyond convention and mainstream.  Tell your friends.  Tell your loved ones.  Tell a stranger.

Tell them, "I love Love. And I love you." 

Please, don't divorce committed couples. I can only pray that I can experience the joy of marriage one day.

Love and Lyte.

The Cry of the Agnostic

There are many occasions that I wish I could give a relationship to Deity to someone.  I wish that I could just wrap up the love of the gods in a brightly colored package, bless it, and hand it over as a gift.  I wish that a relationship with the Divine could be like those buckets of unfinished Gatorade that the winning football team pours on their coach.  I wish that I could pour it over someone, and have it soak them to the soul.

However, that wonderment is selfish.  My desire to impart my form of God or Deity onto someone else almost seems to me to be wanting.  What if it comes out of a desire to be agreed with? (Sorry to the Goddess of Grammar for these last few sentences.)  I'd like to answer that it doesn't.

When I call to the Heavens, I feel a presence. There is a Divine spark in me that recognizes the Divinity that answers my prayers.  I know this.  I know this because I can smell it, touch it, taste it, weigh it, measure it, feel it - in all the definitions of the word feel.  However, I also believe with every fiber of this form I've been blessed with that when I call to the Powers that Be an answer will come.  It doesn't matter if the answer is No, or Not right now, or if the divine Magic 8 Ball says Outcome Unclear, I know that there will be a response.  

What if, however, I were an agnostic?  I've heard time and time again something to the effect of, "I call and I call, but it doesn't seem like my prayers are answered."  Does this mean that the answer is consistently No for a person that doesn't see the desired results?  For those of waning faith, or no faith in anything concrete at all, I'd like to pose this: perhaps, the prayer of the agnostic is not answered. Or, at least, not in the way that we think.

I think it's like in The Monkey's Paw - that horror story we all read in middle school - where the people ask for money, and then their son dies and they inherit exactly the amount of money they need.  If you ask for something general, and you don't think about where it comes from, maybe the manner in which your answer comes also gets burdened in confusion.  Take the statement, "God, make my life better."  How, exactly, are you wanting your life to be better?  And, in what way do you want that improvement to occur?  Perhaps, more specifically and importantly, do you believe that who you're calling to is up to the task of making your life better? 

I know that when I'm praying I can feel the Divine presence there, having a conversation with my Spirit.  I can feel Divinity in every moment of the day, and recognize the hand of my higher power move and shape the events of my life.  But, what if I were calling to someone I was unsure even existed?  Or, what if I had a vague idea that Someone existed, but didn't know who They were, or to what extent They could fix anything?  Who am I calling to, then?  

Maybe the Cry of the Agnostic is muddled in their own agnosticism.  Maybe in their "prove it to me" attitude, they're not allowing anything to be proven.  I'm learning in Philosophy - particularly the book Siddhartha - that people who are constantly seeking in life will never find anything.  However, people that find what they're looking for don't seek it, but rather let life's lessons and Divine truths just integrate themselves into their being.  The holiest of men may never go to seminary or study theology, but they might just be the beatnik that has a good idea of how to live.  Or, there's something else that I've heard: If you're trying to travel down the river, and you're not getting anywhere going against the current, why don't you just stop paddling and let the river carry you.  You'll go the same distance much faster, and you'll not work nearly as much.  And, when you get there you won't be worn out by the journey.  Though, sometimes just going with the flow of the river doesn't get you to your desired destination.  

This can be good.  Maybe where you were going isn't where you needed to be.  However, if where you're going really is important to you, then perhaps you will have to put in the work to get there.  

All that to say this: Before you pray, decide who it is you're praying to.  Or, at least figure out what you're wanting that Deity to do.  How do you want your life to be better?  And, furthermore, what things do you want your Deity of choice to do to make that change?  

Prayer is one of the few mystical experiences that, I believe, you must have faith and believe in, in order for it to be effective.  It's always said that a curse can't hurt you if you don't believe in it, and the argument to that is that a bus will still run over you, whether you believe in it or not.  However, you still have a concept of a bus.  You have the concept of a curse.  But, do you have a concept of God?  Maybe a God can't save you if you don't have a concept of Who you're talking to. 

I'm sure I'm wrong, but it is something to think about.

Love and Lyte,

Fire Lyte

One day, a weekend...

I dream of a weekend. A period of multiple days in which I can sleep and not worry one bit about the hour I need to wake up or what homework assignments I should get a jump start on. 

As for now, I must be content for about 2 hours on Monday and Tuesday afternoons.

Whoever decided that we have to work for money to pay for stuff is MAJOR FAIL!!!!

Oh, and on a random tangent, why can't there be a little pill I take to make my teeth white, my skin tan, and my muscles all big and toned and such? I mean...really... We can put a man on a moon set in Houston and cause the destruction of the twin towers, but we can't make the one, true Miracle Pill?

Boo!

Quiz Results from Psychology of Love Relationships

So, we took this quiz in my Psychology of Love Relationships class, and here are my results:

I am an EXPLORER/builder.

About my personality type: You have a great deal of energy and vitality. You are curious, creative and resilient. You have many interests; and you find pleasure in doing and thinking about all sorts of things.

You tend to be optimistic, seeing the world as a place of adventure-- physical, intellectual or both. You seek first-hand experiences. And when you embark on a project or expedition, you like to be organized, thorough and responsible.

You enjoy the pleasures of the senses, yet you are firmly grounded in reality and live in the here and now. You can be charming and charismatic; and you sometimes like to surprise those you love with generous presents.

You also have a clear moral compass and stand up for your beliefs. And in spite of your flexibility and enjoyment of novelty, you have a genuine respect for home, family, work and community. You are conscientious, dependable, cooperative and protective.

In Love and Relationships: 

You are attracted to people who will explore ideas, philosophies, cities and/or the natural world with you. You like spontaneous, curious risk-takers like yourself. And you want a partner who shares your live-and-let-live attitude. But you also need someone who is eager to help you build strong family and community ties. You are interested in sex; sexual compatibility is an important part of your primary relationship. Although you like to spend your money, you admire frugal people and believe in saving-except when an appropriate adventure comes along. And you seek a partner who is pragmatic, who shares your view of duty and tradition and whom you regard as moral and cooperative. Yet he or she has to have your level of energy and curiosity too.

Relating to Others: 

You have a keen sense of humor and a great many interests-so people gravitate to you. You are also savvy at managing and handling others. And because you are broad-minded, adaptable and playful, as well as dependable and loyal, you can be an exciting yet stable and dedicated friend and colleague.

Things to Be Aware of:

Don't assume someone isn't funny just because they don't display their sense of humor instantly.
You can be so charming that you can get into a relationship too fast. Honor your natural caution and go slowly.
Explorers and Builders rarely indulge in self-analysis and they can hide their emotions. Let people know how you feel.

So... What do you think? Does it describe me? Or, is it just another crap personality test.

Love and Lyte,

Fire Lyte

Oh it's been a week...

I've successfully gotten through a week from Hades!!!

Well, almost. I still have a test in Philosophy next Tuesday that I'm not quite sure I understand the material for - but that's not quite different than my Advanced Spanish Grammar test this past Friday!!!

Imbolc came and passed, and I sort of feel bad that I couldn't celebrate. However, that's the way it goes when the Goddess Universita wants you to spend every waking hour - and your unconscious ones, too - attending or studying for classes. Though, it will all be worth it in May - as everyone's told me (Thanks Kayti!) - when I see my name on a paper that says "Bachelor's Degree of Science in Criminal Justice." Oh happy days!

So, I'm going to Grad School to get my smarty pants degree. I've decided. Abel will probably do the same - though his focus will be on Biological sciences. Turns out, the cost isn't nearly what I thought it was going to be, which is a blessing from the Gods!

My uncle's book signing is today at Empire Books in Huntington, WV from 5p-7p if you're interested! (Though, as I type this, it's already over. So never mind.)

I've got the painting bug again. Though, I'm not sure what I want to put on canvas. Maybe I'll try to throw something on with random colors and brushes and see what comes out. I'll post it up for your opinions!

Love and Lyte,

Fire Lyte

Too Funny!

I've recently discovered the comic Oh My Gods! Big props to this strip. It's hilarious! Check it out at the site, let me know what you think.

H is for Belly Fat

There are plenty of topics that I considered for today's posting. Namely, the need for more hours in the day. Of course, if we had more hours we'd just fill them up with crap. There was also this profound fundamentalist dumbass in my Comparative Religious Studies course who got a resounding kick in the butt from nearly every member of the class - which was flippin' SWEET to witness. And, granted, to be a part of. 

But, at the end of the day, I'd like to talk about something that makes me happier than my puppy in my cat's litter box: Hamburger Helper.

Hamburger Helper, while HORRIBLE for my health and diet, is a miracle and a saving grace on busy days such as today. I had to prepare 2 book reports, in fact read a whole book, write a paper...in Spanish, go to 3 classes, study for 2 tests, research financial aide for grad school, start my grad school application, visit with 2 professors, and still find time to breathe. 

My small comfort today? 3 cheese pasta with a little over a pound of spicy ground beef. It was HEAVEN! Its creamy cheesiness enveloped my stomach lining not once, but twice (there was more than enough for seconds both at lunch and dinner). Whoever invented Hamburger Helper absolutely deserves an eternity in paradise with 50 new virgins a day, everyday, in a pleasure garden filled with a chocolate fountain, personal masseuse, and 24-hour pizza buffet - none of which causes you to gain a pound, and actually enhances 6-pack abs!

hmm.... Given that idea.... Maybe I should invent a convenience food. Oh screw that idea. Still not enough hours in the day. 

My eyes are heavy and want to sleep. I shall let them, at least for a few hours.

Love and Lyte,

Fire Lyte

PS - If you invent a diet that allows me to eat pizza, hamburger helper, and mexican food everyday for the rest of my life and not gain a pound, and have it actually enhance my abs, then I will love you eternally. I realize my love might not be much, but I'd like to think that you'd rather have my love than my money.

What...? You'd rather have money?

WHAT KIND OF FRIEND ARE YOU!?

Damn You Wal*Mart!

Hello world! Me, again. 

I'd like to take this moment to publicly admonish the movers and shakers over at Wally World. 

In the 90's Wal*Mart had this very long series of advertisements - lasting years - that always featured the phrase "the customer is always right." The stores took back merchandise in any condition, despite a lack of receipt, the fact that the item didn't even come from Wally World, or even in instances where the item was just some sort of hodgepodge of other items somehow stuck together. There were reports time after time of some cashier at the store taking fake money but dared never to accuse the one spending it of fraud. Managers bent over backwards to make the customer happy. And, since WW is the self-proclaimed King of All Retail, the idea that no matter what you've done, how at fault you are, or the manner in which you handle a situation, you are always, no matter what, RIGHT!

So, why is this bad? I'm sure you can come up with a number of reasons. For one thing I recall far too many occasions - when working at other retail giants such as BBY and Tarjet - when a return couldn't go through for a customer for one reason or another (such as the lady in Tarjet who wanted to return her vacuum cleaner after she'd had it for over 6 months and had broken it by sucking her kid's Spider-Man toy into it) that the customer would curse and scream until a manager finally had to break down and give it to them.  This kind of behavior is modeled by children, and then it is mutated into the dirtiest eleven letter word:  entitlement. 

We as a people have decided that we're entitled to the things we want. We don't have to earn respect, it's deserved! We don't have to ask permission; why shouldn't we be allowed to do what we want? In a discussion with the kids I supervise, we discussed the idea that the statistical probability of making it to a professional sport is astronomical. Then, I asked who still thought they could still make it (I promise I'm not trying to rain on anybody's parade). Nearly all of the athletically inclined kids raised their hands. I asked why, given the probability. They all gave some sort of response to the effect of, "Well why can't I?" Which, I understand that it's a beautiful idea that we can be anything we want to be. But, I think this is the most dastardly kind of entitlement. Or, perhaps its bitter cousin: Righteousness. 

I'm not saying that children should have to face cruel reality early on, but I think that we need to quit with the whole "I can't tell you that you can't do something, for who am I to say that" crap. You are the loving, supportive, helpful guide that is there to build up a child's hope, but to never fill their head with the idea that life owes them something. That way our children won't become vindictive if parents can't afford the new shoes the kids absolutely have to have. 

Be warned, if I am behind you in a return line or next to you in a restaurant, and I see that you're acting like an entitled, self-righteous 9 year old, you can expect my garden hose to be plugged up your nose. :)

Bad form Wally World! Maybe some of those billions you spend on ridiculous advertisements should be spent CLEANING YOUR BATHROOMS! But, that is a post for another day.

Love and Lyte,

Fire Lyte