Ninja Jesus (for Lacy)

My classmates and I were talking before the start of Comparative Religious Philosophy about the recent absence of Fundie. Yes, our dear Fundie has been missing for a few weeks, and we were postulating as to the reason why. Well, it's rather obvious, isn't it? We're all Satanists!

His words.

I swear.

During the break of our class, we saw Fundie looking as smug as ever in the computer lab at the end of the hall. Initially thinking we should walk on by, we started back towards class when I got the brilliant idea to pop in on good ol' Fundie. I stuck my head in to the computer lab and asked if he knew he'd missed a test that night. (WHICH WAS EVIL, BY THE WAY!) His response, and I quote, was, "Oh, I dropped that class. I couldn't stand you Satanists anymore."

I. D.I.E.D.!!!!!!!!! It was the most hilarious thing ever! Sadly, though, the collective of evil geniuses that comprise our classroom's pupils will not be able to use the various Jesus jokes we had saved. What Jesus jokes you ask? Well, they are as follows:

1. What if Jesus was a ninja? Ninja Jesus would have been able to get away from those damn Roman soldiers, and fling some uber deadly ninja stars in the mean time.


2. Jesus would have been a member of PFLAG. Jesus liked prostitutes, drug dealers, and zealots; he would have ADORED a fabulous drag queen or go-go boy. I just know that he would have been the groovy hippy guy at Starbuck's, sitting with the fat, overly-pierced lesbians talking about being bi-curious - at least enough to be cool.


3. Jesus should have been born a black, midget, mildly retarded lesbian. This way, modern day Christians (not Christianity...I'm not anti-Christian people!) wouldn't have anything hate-filled to proselytize about. Well, maybe they would condemn you for being too normal. Think about it, Abercrombie's models would probably be forced to...I dunno... eat something and stop working out! Our whole concept of acceptable beauty would be turned end-up.

And, of course, a host of other light-hearted "What if...?" scenarios that we were dying to use whilst screwing with Fundie. Yes, I will use any opportunity I can to use the word "whilst" in a sentence. In the meantime, I'll be attending my weekly Satanist convention as we attempt to evoke the Dark Lord Beelzetard and learn of his darkly tantric ways. Yeah for blood orgies!

Love and Lyte,

Fire Lyte

Fundie... We will miss thee...

Ostara!

Sorry it's been so long since my last update, but it has really been a busy week.

The Spring Equinox come on Friday, and I could not be happier. This year's Ostara was a complete joy to celebrate, as both Abel and I are eagerly awaiting our move to Chicago. There really could be nothing more pertinent to the Sabbat that honors rebirth and fertility than an upcoming graduation and move to a different state. The possibilities for the two of us are truly endless, and I could not be more thrilled.

I came through the other side of mid-terms pretty unscathed. I made 3 A's and 2 B's. (Though, I think one B was completely undeserved, but I'll take it.) I also utterly procrastinated in reading a book and writing a paper for my Juvenile Delinquency course. So, naturally, I read the book and completed a 16 page report the day before it was due. I really hope I didn't misspell every word in there, as I was finishing it at 3:00 am.

My mother has been rather ill, and I hate that I don't see her that often. Luckily, we could get together this past Friday night to celebrate Abel's birthday! (Oh yes, Abel turned....umm... His birthday was Friday!) Because of this, I got 2 extra days off from work. I am resplendent with rest and comfort. You have no idea how good it felt to spend that time with him and my family after toiling apart from each other for weeks.

So, to Ostara: The briefest of historical explanations for the subject is that it is a modern amalgamation of holy days that occurred around that time throughout the ages. It was celebrate in India, many areas of Europe, the upper parts of Africa, and in certain Native American traditions. The name comes from the virgin, German Goddess of Spring, Eostre - whose name should remind you of a certain Christian holiday. It is a time to celebrate the Gods and Goddesses of death and rebirth myths. Hera, Astarte, Isis, Eostre, Jesus Christ, Aphrodite, and several others are all deities that have been associated with this holiday. This is also a spring holiday! The vernal equinox is on this day, thus the association with balance. It is the first day of spring, and fertility rituals are usually done on this ancient day. Paint eggs, pet a bunny, wear new clothes to celebrate the Teutonic tradition of bringing good luck to your household, and share a wonderful springtime meal with your family!

Below was the altar Abel and I layed out. We painted 3 eggs: one was for me, one was for Abel, and the third was just to give back to the earth with our blessing. All three were buried in the pots in my herb garden. It was joyous.

Love and Lyte,

Fire Lyte

Testing 1..2...3

So this is really to see if I can blog on the go. Hope it works!

Love and Lyte,

Fire Lyte

Cute, isn't she?

FANTASTIC VIDEO!

We watched a fantastic video in psychology of love relationships from Monty Python. "The Argument Clinic"

See below...

Updates and Birdsongs.

I got a message today from the person in charge of hiring for DuPage County Probation. Unfortunately, they don't want to hire me for a Probation position, but they DO want to hire me (I SAID THEY WANT TO HIRE ME!!!!) for a Detention Officer position. :::sigh::: It's not exactly my first choice of career move - more a lateral slide than vertical promotion - but it pays more, and it's a job. Which, in this economy and time, is a blessing.

On a different note, when I arrived on campu

s this morning the most beautiful music greeted me. I wasn't necessarily in a bad mood, but I was a bit despondent and trepidatious concerning my mid-term grades. However, the song lifted my spirit and made me quite giddy. The source of the latest jam? A mockingbird in a tree right next to my car. I know, right? That's corny and zippidee doo da of me, but it's true. It was an absolutely glorious hymn of springtime, and it got all in me. I sat and listened to the bird for a while - and took a picture for your viewing pleasure. I thanked him for his song, because if you were singing like that for everyone you'd want thanks, too. Then, I went on with my day.

Really, though, it was gorgeous.

Love and Lyte,

Fire Lyte

Take a look at the top middle/right. Do you see the bird?

The Definition of Insanity

I used to think that the definition of insanity was that colloquialism about doing the same thing over and over again expecting a different result. I'd like to add a caveat to that: the definition of insanity is also doing something with wild disregard to the consequences of your actions.

The new millennium's MENSA candidates - aka teenagers -  have gotten the exceedingly brilliant idea to smuggle their various medications to one another. Now, kids today are on everything ranging from sleeping pills and vicodin, to medication for bipolar disorder and anti-psychotics. They're potentially very dangerous medications, and I learned today some local kids are giving each other these medications. I'm almost shocked and awed that none of them have ended up in the hospital having their stomach pumped. (Perhaps a little disappointed, too, as that would have been an excellent life lesson!)

What I don't get is why another kid would want someone's medication that's been kept in the space between their lip and cheek, their disgusting socks, or to an even greater extreme...their butts. (Yes, kids stick meds up there hoping nobody will look.) It's DISGUSTING! Though, for a few dozen juvenile drug addicts, I suppose anything for a fix, right?

This all tells me many things about kids today. Namely, that our youth have absolutely no care for their own lives. Any one of those combinations of drugs could have easily made them morbidly ill if not dead. Secondly, I noticed the mob mentality involved in all this. Individually, none of these kids would have done something like this, but coupled with the pressure from 16 other boys... Well, they just fall in line.

It's funny, though. After being caught, one of the kids at the middle of the distribution ring was begging for his "mommy." That just reminds me that at the end of the day, they're still kids. Little boys who deign to be men. Men for whom drug use is recreational and not deserving of caution of care.

Love and Lyte,

Fire Lyte

The Video

If you're interested, this is the show I was talking about. I tried to find a postable version, but there's not one. If you can find it, that'd be great!!! The segment was called "Aiding the Fallen." Before you watch it, grab your Kleenex!

Love and Lyte,

Fire Lyte

http://abcnews.go.com/whatwouldyoudo

Job Hunting Update!

I got a message today from DuPage County Probation saying that they were reviewing my application and the answers to the questionnaire they sent me. Hopefully, they'll be able to hold a job for me, but I think they're going to want me by May at the very latest.

YIKES!!! It's so soon, and coming up so fast, now! I hope they decide quickly so we can get our affairs in order. I'm still holding out hope that a Probation office will hire me, as DuPage County is liking me for a Detention Officer position. In their county it pays as much as a probation officer, though, so that's good.

Holding out hope!!!

Love and Lyte,

Fire Lyte

New poem...

If you don't watch the investigative show What Would You Do? on ABC, then you're missing out. The idea for this poem was taken from that show. Please, go watch a few episodes. It will really make you think about how you treat others. Do we as a people really want to be treated as we treat others? I'd shudder to think what would happen if we did.

Let me know what you think, please.

Love and Lyte,

Fire Lyte

After a Fall

One man falls on a winter sidewalk.
No back alley for him;
he is for all to see.
There is a cold wind that puts Its
spindly fingers on his ankles.
One hand then grasps the man’s
left calf and the right hand
reaches for a thigh.
This goes on until the Cold has
put the fallen wretch underneath
It in an incestuous rape of
element and that which begs
reprieve from the elements.

Blackest in the sky. No longer a womb
of life, but a void
beckoning the man’s soul into damnation.

Just as that sky was reaching down
with white tentacles
part water, part man-mad substance/filth
ice
a woman crept up out of somewhere else
on a cane’s shoulder
tapping…tapping…tapping…
finding her blind way forward.

She reached for the man, fallen
and taken by cold.
Realizing the next existence had
yet no hold or claim on this one,
she posts up next to him.
Begging

Help this man for he is life incarnate.
Help this man for he is you and your brother’s brother.
Help him for he is not a being of dark
or void or some wretched thing to be
cast out as shit or trash…

Her eyes and face ever-pure reddened
in the cold as the Wind attempted to shut her mouth.

If you cannot help him then call out
with me in the night for help. If he
is to die here then pray for his soul,
for he is our collective spirit leaving
this place. He, sir or madam, is our
decency, our morality…

And the Void reached out Its
nebulous hand and held these two
apart from Everything.
And the woman said,

You, sir, shall be carried in my hands.
You will not be alone.
You cannot be alone.

And though she could not see him, she held him.

The papers did not register that the bodies
of two homeless street people were
frozen together and dead.

Only the city worker who had to
scrape up the corpses gave either
of them a voice – in a passing thought that
wasn’t even registered by the thinker.

One was a man, but that other one…
she looked like a goddamn angel.

Lobster Belly

A few days ago, one of our juvenile criminals looked at me as we were going outside for recreation and said, "Mr. Martin, you're really pale. You need a tan."

That did it. I knew I'd lost a lot of color over the winter months, but I hadn't realized just how translucent I'd become. So, I started tanning yesterday. I know that since I chose to start tanning, and since nobody forced me to strip naked and hop in a bed of heat, that I'm completely responsible for the effects..........BUT I AM MISERABLE!!!!!!!!

My skin is completely red. I feel like an alien, a crustacean, or some sort of muppet. I've been rubbing moisturizer on the most raw parts, but I still feel miserable. Feel pity for me.

Love and Lyte (and tan skin!),

Fire Lyte

Somebody Hire Me!

I've just put my cover letter and oh-so-fancy resume in the mail to be sent off to Illinois! I hope that this one works out! I've got two choices of probation departments there, and the field is really competitive. I just hope that I'm enough for them.

Now I've got to get cracking on Grad School! Wish me luck!

Love and Lyte,

Fire Lyte

24 Ours

The show 24 is reportedly going carbon neutral. They're not recycling the bullets fired or squibs exploded, no. They're buying carbon off-sets. These little diddys allow wealthy individuals to sleep better at night. Basically, it's like Arbor Day year round, but with guilt and millions of dollars.

Those with money buy sections of land that is used to plant trees, or otherwise purchase some sort of "green" energy-producing thing. Some purchase windmills, etc. However, first they perform various calculations to figure out how much carbon-killing they're actually doing, and then buy enough green energy to "off-set" that amount. It doesn't change the fact that they're killing trees or putting awful, destructive chemicals in the air. But, it allows them to sleep at night. It's kind of like a pregnant woman killing someone and then immediately having her baby. It makes things "equal," but not really.

Now, I'm not saying I'm some sort of pseudo-psychotic-violent acitivist guy that thinks Hollywood is a terrible, destructive entity. Quite the opposite. I love TV and movies. I am really a media junkie. The actors and crew do a lot to make America, and by extension the world, aware of various forward-thinking ideas: i.e. gay marriage, going green, etc. All wonderful things. But, I think it's strange when we're content to off-set our sins of the Earth, instead of actually trying to make things better.

Don't use more Earth friendly materials, or scale back the manufacturing of plastics for media cases, or even just change out all the light bulbs. No... Let's plant a tree and feel better.

Love and Lyte,

Fire Lyte

Today calls for a funny poem!

Dear Visa,

Please stop calling me.

I do not want a card,

despite the “no interest”*
and the “college savings”*
and the “introductory offer.”*

I do not want you to have
your people call me…

but if they must,
PLEASE let it be
someone who at least
knows the word “English.”

or – at the very least – let it be
someone whose voice I can hear.


I know you feel that the last issue
is a non-issue, because
I can hear them,
however hearing only the words
“…unactivated card…”
DOESN’T COUNT!!!

To remedy all of the above issues
please do the following:

1. Do not call me.

2. If this is too terribly difficult
for you to comprehend
then please…stick a letter opener
through your tongue.
This shall prevent you from speaking.
Ergo, this shall prevent you from
speaking to me.

3. If this still doesn’t work,
try guzzling gasoline…
All right, this may not seem
like a solution, but really
IT IS!
Because you – oh Mr. Visaman – are
probably one of those people
who smoke (how unhealthy!).
And once you light up…
BOOM!
Ergo, this shall prevent you from
speaking to me.

4. Okay… I know all of the above
seem rather morbid, so I have
ONE MORE option for you

CALL SOMEONE ELSE!!!
Ergo, this shall prevent you from
speaking to me.

I truly hope that my
suggestions have helped.
For I am simply trying to
improve your quality of
service, as I am
-as you like to say-
a
valued
(cough…gullible)
customer
(cough…idiot)
…

Yours truly,

…hmm

maybe if I don’t give you my name…
you won’t call me?!
Ergo, this shall…oh…you know!


*denotes having first sold your soul to Satan herself.

A sigh of Relief and Renunciation

That thing I said about being cool in the face of mid-terms? Yeah...I take that back. My brain is fried and squishy and utterly done with processing complex information. If I never have to buy another blue book again it will be too soon.

However, spring break is coming. Abel has a potential new vet tech job on the horizon. So there are pockets of gratitude. Though my break will be filled with projects and papers. More collegiate curse words. Pejoratives all.

Love and Lyte,

Fire Lyte

I am Free

I have officially deactivated my Facebook account. I can't delete the account, and that's slightly disturbing. My pictures, comments, and online life for the past 4 years will forever be saved on some server in a building nowhere close to me. It almost seems pointless. Crackbook owns you.

Oh well. One less batch of pointless emails that I'll get everyday. I mean, really, how often do I need to know how many people have compared me, or that I'm rated the #3 best potential father figure to an orphaned boy from Nicaragua in my group of friends?! REALLY!? What is the point?

I've gotten all the email addresses and phone numbers from the people I actually talk to. If I want to get in touch with you, then it'll happen. I just think it's ridiculous to have a friend list comprised of a girl that I had a class with years ago, or high school people who were never actually my friends, or people that worked in the same building as me but never associated outside of work. I do not need to communicate with everyone I've ever met.

I just want to give my opinion, however subtle or humble it is.

Love and Lyte,

Fire Lyte

P.S. Yes, that was sarcasm.

Getting Through.

As horribly daunting as these 18 hours of schooling are, I'm somehow getting through it. I thank my higher powers, and I know I couldn't do this without Abel. Mid-terms are this week, and I realize that I should be equating mid-terms with the worst of college-related curse words, but I'm actually not that trepidatious about them anymore. I don't fear them. I've allotted myself plenty of study time, and I really feel like I know this stuff. Well, except for Advanced Spanish Grammar. (Again, WHY am I taking that course?!)

Abel and I got iPhones! Well, his will be here either today or tomorrow. It's quickly becoming my outer brain, my third hand. I realize that's pathetic, but I don't care. I think my cyber life would be complete if I could find an application for Blogger.

Oh, I just finished watching What the Bleep Do We Know?. Great film! A little heady, but the second hour is really a New Age hug from liberal, religious/non-religious ideology. It starts off being a very deep discussion on quantum physics, but ends up filling you with hope for this world. Hopefully, enough people will realize soon enough that our thoughts affect our reality. When we do, we will stop addiction, crime, hatred, injustice, lust, persecution, and the whole of Pandora's box.

Though, I think I'd like to keep Hope out of the box. That bright, winged creature makes me all giggly inside.

Love and Lyte,

Fire Lyte

P.S. Abel has a job interview today! Big love to him! Send him good thoughts!

Fighting the Establishment One Jock at a Time

My brother, the jock and for all intents and purposes the Anti-Me, posted the following status on his Facebook: "John Martin is fighting tha war on traditional thinking." He even created a group dedicated to fighting traditional thinking. The funniest thing about all this is that the only reason he thrives in the area is due to traditional, good ol' boy thinking. This new phase shall be rather interesting.

Of course, when I asked him what, exactly, prompted this, he said he just felt different. When asked what that meant, he just said, "idk." Oh this generation's butchering of the English language. But, I digress.

John, I wish you well in fighting the establishment. Just, don't destroy it...you might find you'll be rather lost.

Love and Lyte,

Fire Lyte